Monday, March 10, 2008

A Very Bad Day

Today was the worst day emotionally. I keep thinking that each day is going to get better but it doesn't seem to lately. To day i was an emotional rollercoaster. i guess it is my hormones trying to get back to normal. But i wish all of it would stop. I don't know what i would have done with out Cory holding me and letting cry and scream for GOD to give me my baby back. It is so hard to know that i will never hold it anytime soon. But Cory reminded me i will one day in heavenand that our baby will know that it is loved. Chloie spent most of the day at my mom's because i just couldn't deal with anything today. I'm calling the dr tomorrow to see how much longer all of this might last. The two other times i went through a miscarriage i found i was pregnant then the next few days i would start and be over with in days. This time though i went to the dr 4 times and got to see my baby on the ultrasound machine 4 times. It has been a long wait for everything to happen. I wish this on no one.

I can wake up in the morning and be fine then either i start cramping like i'm having contractions or some thing comes over me emotionally and i feel like i'm drowning or suffocating again. I just want to feel like myself again. I'm afraid i don't know how to get back there. I don't know what i'd do with out you ladies to just listen to me! It means the world.

Cory, Chloie and I sat down today and discussed what we could do at our new home to honor our Baby Angel. We have thought about buying a tree a magnolia was mentioned but not decided on to plant in our baby's honor. Chloie's biggest thing she wants to do is get a pink and a blue balloon and send them to her baby angel because she said she doesn't know what it was.

I may check one of the support groups out because i can't sleep as soon as i do i see the baby one time it is a girl and we have named her Emma Rae then other times i see a boy we have named Carson. I try to wake my self up but as soon as i go back to sleep they start again. Please don't think i'm going crazy. Although some days i feel i might be.

Please just pray this too shall pass. Thank you to all of you and your kind words and offers. They are greatly appreciated!

1 comment:

jerra said...

Oh Crystal I am so sorry to hear about this. If you need anything let me know, even if it is just to talk